Review of the High Street, Part II; December 1824
Part II, From the Sarnian Monthly Selection, Printed and Published for the Proprietors by Dumaresq and Mauger, Church-Street, Guernsey, 1825, p. 217.
To the Editors of the Monthly Selection
REVIEW OF HIGH STREET
‘Tis very difficult to say
Things common in a proper way;
So Horace said, as we are told,
And tisn’t worse for being old;
For be the subject what it will,
I’ll warrant we shall find it still.
My object is to give you pleasure,
And occupy a little leisure;
But rather than I’d merit ire,
I’d throw my writings in the fire;
For unprovoked to give offence,
Evinces very little sense,
And he who can descend so low,
Is not a man with whom I’d go.
And now I’ll enter on my task,
With what success, I dare not ask.
Mr LE MOTTEE, how d’y do?
Permit me first, to speak to you,
And ask you who it is contrives,
To keep so nice your stock of Knives,
Brass-work and Steel, which I descry—
The answer is 'the Master’s eye.'
BODILLY’s is a double trade:
Umbrellas here are strongly made;
And watches sold, and that beside
In which the ladies take a pride:
Perhaps you’ll say ‘tis wedding rings,
I’m too discreet to say such things.
HENRY GIFFARD is a man
You like the more, the more you scan;
An Ironmonger of renown
And much esteemed by all the town.
RICHARDS and STEPHENS now prepare
To view yourselves, for I declare
I will not let you ‘scape my pen,
Although you are such sober man.
Linens and Woollens, Silks and Hats,
For men and women, youth and brats;
Wholesale and retail—‘tis the same;
They’re friends, and merit well the name.
Sugars and Teas are sold by MARCHE,
Who also deals in Cheese and Starch.
With Butter, Sausages, and Cheese,
T. NOAL strives the folks to please.
Of Captain TOZER I must speak
Who trades to Plymouth ev’ry week—
I pitied him last November,
And well he may that month remember.
Linen and Woollen Drapers too,
The BISHOPS have enough to do,
And seem to cut a pretty dash,
But only sell for ready cash.
This I declare is wondrous clever,
And should be followed now and ever.
Miss BARBET has a neat display
Of what is in the ladies’ way.
And next, I think a step at most,
Is Mr BARBET’s foreign post,
And seldom have I known a better
For safe conveyance of a letter.
LE PELLEY’s the man that you may choose,
If you’re in want of Boots or Shoes:
But say like I do, when you call,
'Be sure you make them not too small!'
Small boots or shoes and our High-Street
The sum of misery complete.
‘Twould seem as if the very stones
Had all conspired to break our bones:
Some up, some down, some here, some there;
I’m not surprised the Carters swear;
And could their horses but discourse,
I fear that they would swear still worse.
Oh! Ye improvers of the land,
How long will ye not understand?
Why have we asked so oft in vain
For a new pavement, and a drain,
Whilst greater works are done we know
Merely to make a little show?
But here I beg to make a stop
To take a peep at that fine shop:
AGNEW, MARTEL, and Company,
As good a firm as you can see,
Woollens and Linens here again,
Silks, Crapes, and Hats both smart and plain,
Are sold as cheap as by the others,
For men in trade should act like brothers.
All here is tasteful, spruce, and free,
As any shop in town can be.
The ladies, with their eyes so bright,
Are all attracted by the sight;—
I like to see a full bright eye,
It elevates one to the sky:
And oh! What pretty ones I know,
But where I’m not allowed to show;
If you will only look about,
You very soon will find them out.
ROBIN’S a Grocer staid and steady,
And as you want him always ready.
Is Peter HARRIS pray within?
He’s just gone out to sell some Gin.
Think not because there’s little show,
That Peter hasn’t much to do.
He does, I’ll answer, even more
Than some who keep a larger store.
Here is a proof of probity
Reaping the fruits of industry.
Behold that sign so wide and long—
Which to the Atlas does belong,
Who to astonish the beholders,
Lifts up the world upon his shoulders;
But what he stands on, I confess,
With all my skill, I cannot guess.
GEORGE LE BOUTILLIER—here we go—
Another shop for selling low:
Woollens again, and Linens too,
Go when you will there’s much to do.
PICOT’s a Hatter where you’ll find
Hats and Caps of every kind.
If you have spouses neat and nice,
I recommend you Mrs PRICE,
Whose India Goods of highest style
Yield only to the lady’s smile.
KAINES’ is another shop for Tea,
The sound of this is harsh to me,
For when I think of what I’ve seen,
I scarce can fancy where I’ve been.
But now I’ve something else to do
And so I’ll finish my review.
Adieu my friendly Editors,
May you have all you wish good sirs;
But why, I ask, give up the field,
What reason is there you should yield?
The essence of brass, the essence of brass,‘
Tis all you want, alas! Alas!
I’m very sure a drop or two
If well applied, alone, would do;
There’s nothing like it now a day,
For be your merits what they may,
Impudence will have the rule
And bear the palm although a fool.
Dec. 3rd 1824